EATING DISORDERS ARE MORE THAN JUST SELF - LOVE ISSUES
Eating Disorders are more than just self-love issues!
From the age of 6 until 16 I was full-blown bulimic with some anorexic tendencies.
The thing about eating disorders is that people don't realize how serious and detrimental it is to your health in every sense of your entire being.
I was in denial about the fact that I had an eating disorder.
It all started when I joined ballet at school...
I remember asking one of my best friends, "How do I vomit up my food?"
She of course answered and explained how...
Isn't that sad? The fact that a six-year-old starts something like this!
Society has created awful standards, requiring people to be a certain way, look a certain way, and be "perfect."
When in fact nobody is perfect. We are all perfectly imperfect and perfect in our own way.
Everyone is unique and that is how it goes.
We should embrace our uniqueness!
But here is the thing, as I said it is not just about self-image...
It becomes a coping mechanism.
Eating disorders are closely related to OCD, anxiety, PTSD, depression, and control.
Self-love and image issues with oneself is a huge one though
Everyone wants to be "perfect" and fit into societal standards.
It becomes detrimental to your entire being.
The context behind my scene:
I went to a mental health facility for depression and multiple suicide attempts.
I was then evaluated and they discovered I had an eating disorder.
I was not happy at all that this came to light
I believed I didn't have a problem with food and eating... I was in complete denial about that.
I was going to there for depression! Not an eating disorder!
You can imagine my frustration...
My anger and resentment for even going there to the rehabilitation center.
I was then booked into the EDU - Eating Disorder Unit.
I was obviously also dealing with depression, anxiety, insomnia, OCD, cutting, etc.
I was there for a full 21 days.
This was by far the most challenging part of my healing journey.
I used the process of purging, and starving myself as well as heavy laxative abuse.
But, it became a coping mechanism.
I couldn't control what was happening around me.. but what I could control was this...
I could control how I ate, what I ate, when I ate etc.
When something stressful happened I would purge and the stress would induce it.
I hated myself in every sense of my being.
I wanted to be "pretty", I wanted to be "thin" and I wanted to match the supposed "societal standards".
I compared myself to everyone... Family members, friends, cover magazine models, and so on.
I never felt I was good enough...
I never felt I was worthy and worthy of love.
I lived with this for so long and when I had to deal with it.. well it was damn hard! Huge hurdles to get over!
I had awful comments over my young life. The majority was from family members, unfortunately.
"Oh wow, you can wear that dress as it fits all your curves."
"Should you really be eating that burger?"
"Oh look, men at least like some meat on girls."
"Omg how many months are you?"
"Babe, don't you know how to pull in your stomach?"
And so many more comments.
And, the thing with bulimia is that your weight fluctuates. You aren't always stick thin! And people don't realize that.
I was bloated so often that I did look 4 months pregnant. No word of lie. And I still get that bloat.
I was so unwell and so damn tiny when these comments came around... And that is the problem here.
People were so naive and had no idea.
But everyone always seems to care about weight!
It was not easy growing up like this.
In the facility, we weren't allowed to go to the bathroom(it was locked) for at least an hour and a half after each meal. So that our food had digested.
We were accompanied by nurses during each meal. They made us eat 6 times a day.
This was not my cup of tea!
Due to heavy laxative abuse, my body was shutting down.. my heart rate was sky-high.
I wasn't allowed to do any form of exercise or walk too fast.
I have had many health issues due to this disease.
I lost my metabolism. My gut health is still not right. It doesn't function the way it should.
I have many problems with my body due to this illness that I suffered.
I have yellow stains on my teeth due to all the purging.
I suffer from easy bloat when eating certain things and when my metabolism goes wonky now and again.
I still have a very high heart rate.
But what I can say, is that you can overcome this!
It's a challenging journey and takes years to become someone who can truly love yourself and your entire being.
Overcoming traumas and obstacles is possible.
To manage and cope is possible.
You just need to take the time to work on yourself and seek help!
It's okay to ask for help and guidance.
It's okay to be on medication.
It's okay to have coaches, mentors, therapists and psychiatrists.
We all have our own ways to heal from this.
However one must remember, it is a lifelong journey... It's a path we will walk every day and continue to heal and grow within ourselves.
But it is POSSIBLE.
If I have been able to overcome this, so can YOU!
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
YOU CAN LEARN TO LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF.
Just take the first step, and ask for some help.
You got this!
"Self-care is Health-care and in turn Self-love" - Nicole Denner
"Invest in Yourself - Aspire to Inspire" - Nico Life Coaching TM
